If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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