Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
