The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
