My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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