the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
