my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
