We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
