I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
