Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just high enough for therapy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
