just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
