my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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