Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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