So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize