Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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