You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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