is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
