now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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