Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she told me i tasted like america
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
