Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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