we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
