She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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