i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
