Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
