I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
love makes seman taste better
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize