Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize