i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize