You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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