like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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