I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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