well I can't set my house on fire every night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How does one acquire holy water?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
