DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
