Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
