Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
