it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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