I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
