just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize