I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my poor anus
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
