I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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