I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize