I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
