it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How naked do you want me to be?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
