I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
