Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
