so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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