There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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