after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
