I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
