just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
