i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize