I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
COCAINE IS GR8
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