she was so not down for the gang bang
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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