Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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