Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
