nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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