you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize