Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
someone owes me an orgasm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
