you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
