theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize