There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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