Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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