im six kinds of drunk right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
