Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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