Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
