i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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