who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
