so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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