I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk is not a location!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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