Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize