i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
