Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
