if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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