Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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