Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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