Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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