i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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