she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
