Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
