So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
