you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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