is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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