my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
