And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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