I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
