Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
