He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
