I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize