i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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