as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it because I queefed?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize