we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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