Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
