So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
