and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
