Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
