Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
