I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize