You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
