He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
