So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When are your genitals available?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
