What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
