Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
