is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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