either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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