Don't you send me to vm
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
