Having a random hookup so left but love u
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
